Saturday, October 30, 2004

Nadir of Minnesota

Ten thousand reflections of the North Star comprise the nadir of Minnesota, land of Lutefisk and Hot Dish, where come this Tuesday Ralph Nader may chip in George Bush's short put and propel him into the back nine.
Many are the reasons the President has matched par with Mr. Kerry here in the former bastion of Lutheranism, a state currently welcoming an influx of newly plaid attired Somali and Hmong refugees.
They are-
A Republican governor who has tamed a 5 billion deficit without raising taxes, mainly through government attrition.
A refusal this spring by Democratic lawmakers to allow a traditional marriage amendment on this month's ballot, which has infuriated rural voters in conservative and still very Lutheran Democratic districts.
The recent trashing by a State Judge of a popular conceal and carry gun amendment.
Burgeoning suburbs full of new homeowners.
Growth of the evangelical voting block, many living in those new homes yet unpaid for.
A poorly advised recent Kerry commercial extolling the virtues of stem cell research, a subject which has solicited the attention of evangelical suburb families living next door to Dem farmers still hopping mad about being denied a vote on a State marriage amendment.
Lastly, besides the no nonsense Minnesotan attitude on National Security, there is the impossible-to-argue-with Minnesotan resolve to stand on principle. This time around the wreath of principle falls upon the head of the Independent, hithero shut out of the debates and largely of the discussion, still well known and respected throughout the state and dodged by hysterical Democrats trying to upset his canoe wherever he tries to launch it.
The Democrats haven't played fair with public servant Ralph, a fact exacerbated by the fact that their candidate of one of rare privilege. After the still mourned Paul Wellstone and the scandal of a wake turned pep rally, voters passed over a condescending Walter Mondale and voted in Norm from New York, who by proxy had earned the vote through sheer hard work. George works hard too, and so has Ralph. John has inherited a billion dollars. He'll inherit the Loon State's hard line liberal voting base and no one else. Here in the critical second tier, we have nothing if not elses.
Republicans helped elect that giant fake action doll Jesse Ventura last time around, who realized his second fifteen minutes of fame were up when the post September 11th budget limped in. We won't help prop up the Independent this time around, but the Independents and some Democrats will, which may be enough to upset the national golf cart once again.

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